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About Literature / Hobbyist Raven Kirk24/Other/United States Groups :iconkizomarufanclub: KizomaruFanClub
Welcome to the shadows~
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Apr 25, 2015
:iconravenoushound:RavenousHound has changed their username (formerly KizomaruHotaru)

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It was magnificent, the way the light reflected off of the metallic surface made it appear to glow, almost as if it was a holy weapon meant for slaying demons and the evils of this world; it sort of felt that way to the one holding it, and that was how they were intending to use it. A slim finger gently runs along the serrated edge, feeling each groove caress the tip as they drug their finger down the length of the knife. They had no idea why they were being so careful with it, not with what they had planned, but they chalked it up to hesitation as the cause of how they were handling it.

They were alone in their house, their bathroom to be exact, and they sat curled into the corner with their knees drawn to their chest and the knife on their lap. There were tears dripping down their cheeks, falling down drop by drop against the silver and rust tainted surface of the instrument of destruction. Funny, they saw it more as the key to freedom rather than such a thing, the thought elicited a quite wry chuckle that, despite its volume, seemed to echo as the sound bounced off the pale tile walls of the room.

It was late at night, everyone was sleeping, save for them, soundly in their beds as if nothing had ever happened. Like a massive bomb didn't just go off hours prior to now, like there wasn't yelling and name calling, shaming and scorn, looks of pure hatred and disgust; all tossed around as if they were nothing, when in reality it felt as if they were being stoned. Each word, each glare directed at them, felt like a hot knife stabbing repeatedly into their heart. Why given the reaction of their family, you would have assumed they just admitted to murder or some other heinous crime!

What called forth such pure, unadulterated rage? They came out of their closet, they told their family, the people they thought they could trust, that they were not who their family thought they were. What is that? They confessed that, rather than being the straight, good little girl that “her” family saw, that he was a gay man and that he was seven months strong into a stable relationship. “Blasphemy!” His father cried, rising from his seat at the dinner table. “I didn’t raise a sinner!”  "How dare you forsake the body the Lord has given you!“ Cried his mother, a look of sheer disgust took over her usually docile features.

Yes, his family were of the God fearing kind, good Christians who went to church every Sunday, but he had never heard them speak like this. He’d never heard  anything like the venom being spewed at him, he lost count of how many times he was told he was going to hell for his "sins.” How many times the people he thought loved him unconditionally were saying they were going to disown him if he didn’t take it back, or agree to some strange therapy, as if he was broken!

When he refused, he was spat at, his food taken away, and he was told to leave the room and that a priest was being called in the morning to cleanse him of whatever demon had taken hold of him and possessed him to behave in such a manner. When he tried to defend himself, saying that this was just how he was born, and how it shouldn’t matter who he was as long as he was happy, all he got in return was a slap across his face from his father for talking back.

It was the final straw, he stormed off past the kitchen [where he picked the knife from] and off to the bathroom connected to his bedroom. He was careful to lock both his doors behind him, as all he wanted now was time alone to think, and to hopefully calm down. He tried calling his boyfriend, but he wasn’t answering, and the only friend he had left after he revealed his true self to his group of friends was away on a trip to visit her grandmother who was sick in the hospital.

Now all he is left with, are the knife in his hand, and the words from earlier ringing loud in his head. How he was an abomination, how he was a disgrace to his family, how he was a sinner and a demon. They even went so far as to hold him and people like him responsible for the troubles of the world! Well, if he was such a burden, such a cause for chaos and source of destruction, then he would fix the so called mistake tonight. He’d thought of something like this before, but he’d always been able to reach someone to talk him down; tonight, he was all alone.

With a shaking hand and a choked sob, he brought the knife’s edge to his throat and, in a single fluid motion, freed himself from his torment.
What hatred can do
So for the first time in ages I wrote something, but it’s not a happy something…I’m still going to share it here, cause I have nothing else to do with it. I put it on tumblr but that was it.

Please don’t do anything like this, don’t harm yourself, don’t kill yourself. You’re not broken or anything of the sort. We need you to stay strong for future generations, to blaze a trail in the right direction, to prove that people can make it. You are so very important, please don’t let the hatred of others drag you down, and for the love of all things bacon, don’t end your life. 

I've been seeing so much news on transgender youth suicides and it really breaks my heart, all because they're surrounded by people who don't accept them for who they are. It sickens me, and I really wanna do something about this. I suppose to vent my frustrations I wrote this, I dunno how well I did, but it sort of just came to me.

I'm going though some gender identity stuff myself at the moment, and for the first time I feel genuinely afraid of the world. When I discovered my sexuality, or what I thought it was when I was younger, I never even thought to be afraid because while I knew I wasn't like everyone else I didn't see it as a reason to fear anything. I've become more aware of the world now, and sometimes I really wish I hadn't.....Innocence is precious, don't take it for granted.

I've been digging on research, trying to figure out where I fit in the sea of labels, I really don't wanna be in any gender honestly, even if I feel more like a dude at times. That's an issue for later, maybe a journal or something, I dunno.

Please don't ever even think suicide or self-harm is an option, there are people out there who you can turn to, keep fighting! Live to spite others if that's all you feel you've got! Live to be an example of how to be strong through all the hatred, live to give future generations someone to look to when they're in the place you are now. You're beautiful and perfect as you are, and you are strong and amazing and you WILL persevere through this!
Also thanks to whoever gifted me the premium membership! I forgot your name but thank you!
I have a bad habit of not being on here much, but I haven't done any writing.....Well that's not true, I wrote one thing, I might share it. .-. I also did some fan art things I'll probably share. 


RavenousHound's Profile Picture
Raven Kirk
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Pic by the lovely and talented Ulqui-chan from Bleach Oblivion!!!~ ( Link to RP site on profile, click it bishes =w= )

I love Green Day by Azarin Hisagi stamp by Tkaczka 21 Guns Green Day Stamp by SinMisericordia21 Support Green Day by sundayx Green Day stamp by JamesBondageXD Evanescence Stamp by Erameline :thumb149242581: Evanescence Stamp by Erameline 'Explaining' Stamp by Sonira-Stamps I love anime stamp by vero-g6-stamps Autumn Stamp by Kezzi-Rose OCxCanon Support Stamp by TrainerKelly Night Person Stamp by ClearBlueSkys The Procrastination Stamp by Busiris DA Stamp - Rainbow by phantompanther Bi Pride Stamp by LilyFlare My Attitude by Fyi-Sus I support original characters by vero-g6-stamps Role Play stamp by Zeronix :thumb277302822: Wiccan Pride Stamp by celticpath Stamp: I love the darkness by Esther-Sanz I support Darkness Stamp by Rikku2011 Darkness Symbol Stamp by L-mon Umbreon Love Stamp by SquirtleStamps I hate when no messages stamp by SupremeSonrio Wolf Heart Stamp by VampsStock I Support Wolf Conservation v2 by Karakas Wolf Awareness by ladynightseduction Wolf Totem Stamp by VampsStock Wolf Stamp by katdrake Stamp: Mind and Matter by starfire-wolf I'm a Wolf - Stamp by stamps-club Wolves by dogmaster4 The Sight Stamp by SonicMaster23 I Love Wolves by Wearwolfaa :thumb301440719: :thumb133412775:
Too long probably. XD 

Hey y'all did ya miss me? :D I got side tracked from here by tumblr RPing and then running the site I helped with, till shit got cray-cray and I left because I didn't have the time to deal with all the shit going on there and in real life. I then became hopelessly addicted to watching people play games on youtube [Specifically a couple people, like Mark, Jack and them] and then got the idea to try myself, so I'd been working on that. 

If any of y'all wanna check me out on there, it's TheHellHoundInYourShadow you're looking for. ;)

Oh yeah, I also got lost in Pokemon Y for a while. XD Which, once I get Alpha Sapphire,it's gonna be rare to see me. XD Love my Pokemon~ <3

I'll try logging on here more, especially since I'm gonna wanna be opening paypal fic commissions cause I'm tired of being poor. x.x

So that's my life this past year or so, how've y'all been? =o

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Firestar-Kelman Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2015
Happy Birthday!
Firestar-Kelman Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2014
Happy Birthday!
Crimson-Agony Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Happy Birthday! :la:
bunnywonderkitty Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
bunnywonderkitty Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2013  Student Traditional Artist

I'm on a join me C:

RavenousHound Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I missed it because I had t go out with my family and I had to find a new monitor cord DX
bunnywonderkitty Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2013  Student Traditional Artist

it's all good but I had to shut down my computer so here is a new link

RavenousHound Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah I wondered what happened XD
bunnywonderkitty Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Is your Hetilia Oc Sicily ? Let me know when you want me to do a join me also , I have her drawin up now C:
RavenousHound Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah that's her~ Whenever you're ready for one o-o I'm down for anytime really XD And sweet :3
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